False Sense of Security–Marriage

By me being an unmarried woman I can only speculate the ideology of Marriage. First lets take a look at what marriage is, it’s a covenant between you, someone else and God that many people perform just for the sake of “tradition.” You wanna know what made me think of this? Recently seeing the movie The Hunger Games which takes the premise of a wonderful short story called “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson (1948).  The basis of “just because its tradition, means it’s the right thing to do,” is prevalent in many themes of our lives. Church, Marriage, we are conditioned to participate in institutionalized activities that have become a thread of our culture.

With that being said, going back to Marriage and its tradition, I love the idea of marriage, I love that there are many successful marriages however I can’t deny or escape the many failed marriages each year. To be exact half of marriages in the United States fail (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm).  That leaves me with a 50/50 chance of growing old with the man I marry. I believe 90% of us who marry go into Marriage with a positive and optimistic attitude that this “will last forever.” While the rare 10% acknowledges up front that they are making a mistake, marrying for some sort of benefit, for the sake of their children, or my favorite….a false sense of security that “everything will be ok” when I’m married. It boggles my mind when people with challenged relationships get married thinking that will smooth away their issues. NO, Marriage is not the cure for a bad relationship, marriage should be entered into when the union of two people are “equally yoked.” When the union is calculated and not jumped into because it feels good.   I’ve come up with my own list on why I think marriages fail…

1. The once roaring wild-fire is now a flicker of fire dwindling down

2. Communication sucks

3. You allow everyday issues/people who come up turn you against one another…i.e finances, in-laws, ect.

4. You aren’t on the same page morally, ethically, and most importantly rearing of children.

I’ve been told by many marriage couples that marriage is “hard.” But when is anything worth having easy? I’ve found that the most successful marriages that I’ve been blessed to witness is when the couple are best friends. Meaning they make it a point to enjoy their favorite t.v. show together once a week, they make it a point to participate in one another’s activities and show a genuine interest, they make it a point to be there emotionally and sexually for one another, they make it a point to take care of one another when sick, or facing a work dilemma, or a close family member passing. They don’t fall into the “roommates” phase and they damn sure don’t let the small things that they use to do turn void. Most importantly they trust one another and can communicate effectively.

With about 50% of marriages failing, I can’t help but wonder what are we doing wrong?

Survivor of Suicide

As I come to terms with my mother’s sudden passing over 5 years ago, I feel inclined to dive deeper in submerge myself into the past. I do this by researching, and confronting my issues head on to alleviate any traces of poison that might be detrimental to me developing in the future professionally and personally. I write this piece not from a scientific stand point but rather an first-hand experience of the mental effects of someone close and loved committing suicide has on one’s psyche, and though I share some intimate details of my personal life I am not ashamed because the events that has led me to this moment I am grateful to have persevered. So let me paint you a picture…

I grew up in a single parent household with a hard-working mother and older brother. My mom always provided the best she could for my brother and I. As a result we always lived in a nice suburb neighborhood and attended good schools, schools that I know had more than prepared me for college. On the outside looking in we were the average African-American family who had made a good living. I loved (still love) my mom dearly. And as I’ve gotten older I have realized that in many ways I am a direct reflection of her. This reflection translates into how I conduct my personal and professional life and I am proud to have acquired some of the very traits that made her a great woman. However, the one character flaw that she had, was a drinking problem. My mommies drinking was something that was a constant every single day for about 8 or more years, and in her drunken state of mind is when reality seemed to get under her skin. After all she was not happy being a single mother of two kids struggling by herself to make ends meet. This was understandable, however as the years progressed and she did settle into a relationship nothing changed of her drinking. I couldn’t understand and yet I had stopped trying a long time ago. I had prayed for her, and cried endless nights that she would change and turn her life to God. I always knew in the back of my mind that nothing good was going to come out of her drinking but they say miracles do happen and I desperately needed a miracle, after all her she and my brother were the closest thing in the world to me.

“What a difference a Day can Make.” Nothing is more truer in my life than that quote, because in one day at the age of 18 and in my first semester of college my mom suddenly died. And though I spare you and myself the details of that day the effect it has had on me mentally is quite peculiar and interesting none-the-less. I’ve always been a private person, never was the type to be flamboyant or boisterous. I was always the cute, quite, studious type and after my mom passed nothing much changed of those qualities but some qualities were added that weren’t present before. I was always taught and forced by my mother to be strong and to “man up.” I viewed this behavior in her sober state and had experienced this behavior in her drunken state. After her passing the psychological effects it has had on me arent detrimental but it has definitely made me a much different person. Emotionless and cold, are just some of the things I had become. It didn’t have the same effect on me when people would tell me someone close to them had passed, I often felt no empathy for that person because now that the most important person in my life was gone, the world was much colder. The world and the people in it were minuscule in my world.

I bumped my head many times in my personal life battling to become a great woman. But one thing that was always successful was my work life. My mother was very successful for someone who didn’t graduate high school, she had become a manager of one of the leading grocery stores in the midwest and her work colleagues always spoke highly of my mother. Many of her co-workers looked to her as another mom because she was so sweet to everyone she encountered. I am pride of her for that, and it also felt great knowing so many people loved my mother. You would have thought a celebrity had died the way people turned out at her funeral. People standing all around the funeral room and all the pews were packed to capacity. That was a touching moment for me and I can only hope that when I die I would have had affected so many people in a positive way. Many would believe that my mom passing at such an early and critical age in my life I would have become a different person than what I have become. Well its by the grace of God that I didn’t have to degrade myself in the process of trying to take care of myself. Who offered to take me in at the age of 18 just having graduated high-school? The one person that came to my rescue was…my cousin who was around the same age offered and from then on out I busted my ass to become successful. And no, I didn’t make a quick buck stripping at a bar, I continued to go to college and work my little part-time job that I fought to eventually become full-time and the rest is history. Do I miss my mom? Hell yes! Do I think life would have been a little easier if she were still here with me? No doubt! But I am who I am, and I can’t change the events that has happened outside of my control. I know many people have different stories of how they turned out after a parent passing some not so good stories to hear, but again it has been by the grace of God that I didn’t have to go through extreme measures and situations to support myself, and though I had some character issues after she passed I have been lucky enough to have met my future husband who has known me since she passed and have pointed out the error of some of my ways, and has worked with me diligently throughout the pass 5 years to help me become a better person.

Thru it all the mental effects I have sustained aren’t all bad. Yes, I came out with a colder heart but I have grown to become more compassionate over the years wanting to help people who aren’t as fortunate as I was, persevere. But, honestly most of the mental effects that I posses came from when my mother was living not when she died. I know how to be a good mother, have a very strong work ethic, and show love and compassion to all I meet because of her leading by example not her passing.

Until Next Time,

Crysta Tyus

What Type of Ears do you Have?

 

By me being Black and raised in a predominately Black community, I couldn’t tell you about any other genre of music such as Country, Rock, Classical, or even Jazz. As I have gotten older and my insatiable quest for knowledge has increased I have recently discovered different genres of Music and I have Compiled a list of some different Artists that I like and I hope that if you too have a centain type of music you only listen to that you will check out some of the music below and let me know how you liked it in comparison to what you typically listened to, and how it made you feel in comparison to what you typically listened to.

1. Adele- She is one of the BEST, I MEAN BEST Singers I have ever heard in my life. Her voice should be insured for over a million dollars. She’s made hits such as “Someone Like You” and “Rolling in the Deep.” Check those singles out and let me know what you think.
2. Scott McCreery-This Country artist has a deep country voice that is so soothing. I especially love the song “The Trouble With Girls”
3. Andrea Bocelli- This music epitomizes the phrase “Music to my ears.” Andrea is a wonderful classical tenor. His voice is luminous as he sings in Italian. This is the type of music that I listen to when I’m down and I just want to clear my head.
4. Miles Davis- Oh. My. God. I know you have heard this name, and if you haven’t then you must have been living under a rock for the past century. Miles Davis is an iconic Jazz musician that played sweet wonderful blues on his saxophone. You have to listen to the song titled “Blue in Green.” Another musician you will want to hear is Nina Simone, she is the most celebrated woman jazz muscian of her time, the song I love most is called “Feeling Good.”

These are just a FEW artists that I listen to as I step outside of the norm. My first love of music will always be Hip Hop & R&B but my ears are MOST DEFINETLY “Mixed.”

Tell me what kind of Music do you like to listen to and the Artist…leave me a note in the comments section so I can Listen to it too!

Until Next Time,

Crysta Tyus

Follow me @Karmasent on Twitter.

Foot Prints Trailing~

As I sit here and type these words I’m listening to Brian McKnight-Anytime and my heart is smiling. I sit here reflecting on the past 6 years of my life and I have many memories that are bitter-sweet. Many life lessons have been learned first hand by life’s wonderful experiences and though I take the good with the bad, I’m a Woman typing these words. I’m a wise woman who is appellant for knowledge, and craving for life.  Every once in a while you are lucky to stumble upon people who touch your life in a way that you will never forget. I’ve been lucky too many times but I sit here thinking about the person who recently left foot prints on my heart and as I look at the foot prints walking away in the sand I am grateful that those very same feet were in my presence, no matter how short the length of time. I like to think of this person as the “icing on the cake.” I’ve already had many people throughout my life help “bake this cake” I call “my life” that has made me into the woman I am today. I’ve had people slave in a kitchen preparing just the right ingredients, kneading dough, sweating in a hot kitchen to ensure this cake was delectable. And as that cake was cooling down….someone special I’ll call him “the sand man” came along and gently added the last ingredient to “my life.” This person opened my eyes to a different type of truth, to a different type of respect, and to a different type of trust.

As always i’m filled with gratitude and even though the Sand Man is not in my life, and probably never will be again, I know how to let go and appreciate the time that was shared. I’ve had to let go many times in my life, many times to VERY important people and honestly I at one point was very upset that I had to watch so many important people walk in and out my life. But again that’s life so what I take with me is a deeper understanding of myself. The truth about myself was self-discovered however that self-discovery wouldn’t have happened unless the time was spent with the Sand Man. So I write this to immortalize my thoughts, my emotions and to urge You (my reader) to ALWAYS be honest with yourself. Never try to convince yourself that something is a certain way or that you feel a certain way if deep down you can’t make that assertion 100%. I’ve vowed to always be truthful with myself and to always be truthful with other people…after all it makes life so much easier no matter if we have to be uncomfortable temporarily. So I sit here, typing these words feeling like a Great Woman who is understanding, trusting, and nurturing and I know it’s because he put the icing on my cake.

Dedicated to someone I will always hold dear to my heart for reasons already known to him. As I look at the foot prints in the sand trailing away..I’ll miss my Sand Man…Thank You.

Until Next Time,

Crysta Tyus

Financially Stupid vs. Financially Ignorant

I’ve been in the banking industry for well over 5 years now, and what I have learned is that “we” are financially stupid and ignorant in many aspects when it comes to money. Most of “us” don’t understand how to balance a check book, most of “us” don’t understant how to save money, and most of “us” would blow a million dollars in a month if we hit the lottery and wouldn’t have much to show for it either. I get disappointed when I hear someone say that they are going to leave their money in their mattress…lol. The sad truth is that when they say that they are actually being serious. I love what I do, and I love helping people and educating them on the “right” and “wrong” way of financial management.  This brings me to my next point which is…what makes me so upset is that there are those who just don’t know how to invest, how to save and then there are those who understand the basics and how to possibly get there, they just choose not to? I rather be ignorant than STUPID any day! I rather not completely know than to be cognitive of something and still not choose to do whats best. I try to educate the people I see however some aren’t just receptive to what I have to say, they are stuck in a handicapped mindset and unfortunately that is someone’s mother or someones dad and I can’t help but wonder how their kids will think when they grow up. The cycle of stupidity and ignorance will continue…So what can I do? I want to start holding financial literacy seminars on how to be money smart, how to get out of debt, how to buy a house, obtain credit, balance a check book, and ultimately save!! I NEED YOUR HELP! When you see me tweeting of when my very first financial literacy seminar will be conducted I want you to spread the word and join in on my movement to get “us” on the right track. I love my people and I want to see “us” get out of our enslaved mindset and be prosperous.

What do you think?

Crysta Tyus

Taking “You” to the Next Level

People who read my blogs and know me can attest that music is something that I enjoy. I enjoy listening to it, deciphering how the artist felt when they recorded the song, and the message being conveyed. Like many people I know, I also enjoy listening to music for emotional purposes. Rather, it be nostalgic or I am feeling uplifted I often times listen to music that is a reflection of my current mood. With that being said, what my readers don’t know about me is that I am a very successful Banker at a very well-known Bank. I say that I am successful because I have received high accolades from upper management, peers and customers and I also have the numbers to prove it.  I think that once you make “personal connections” with people and show a genuine interest in someone it allows you to build lasting relationships. I was taught this, however I believe I have mastered this concept as well. So I decided to share some keys to success that I feel has helped me stand out in a sea of other fishes and mostly sharks.

Before I go into the keys, here is a little more background on my personal accomplishments, I’ll list them in bullet format for an easier read.

• I have been personally responsible for bringing in over 2 million dollars in deposits.
• Has received high accolades from 2 noted banks from high up executives/presidents.
• Spearheaded leadership group campaigns that  has allowed upward movement and recognition of fellow colleagues.
• Mentored/coached/trained over 15 individuals, 2 of which was promoted within a few months to management ranks where I was directly responsible for their promotion/raise.  
• Ran a successful retail store that has generated over 550,000 dollars per year.
• Has hired top talent and retained them by being compassionate and effective.
• Has had 6 PROMOTIONS within the past 5 years 2 of those promotions were in Management.

These are just to name a few,  and I am proud of myself for having accomplished so much and ONLY BEING 23 years old. So it will be selfish of me not to give you some of the keys that I have used that has made me so successful. After all, it’s no fun at the top when you are the only one.

1) Make a connection–Face it, we all use one another to get where we want to go or to gain something. So why not build a lasting relationship and make that solid connection. Get to know their family, hobbies and anything else that gets them talking about THEMSELF…FIRST.

2)Be Genuine, and tell People what You Need from them and how that action can be reciprocated. I tell my customers all the time something like this “I am very happy that I was able to save you money by setting up your direct deposit, now you can avoid that check cashing fee. Now, what I NEED FROM YOU is for you to sit down with our financial advisor so we can also help you save for retirement. IT’S OK TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT YOU NEED! DON’T BE PRIDE FULL.

3)Take Control and Be Proactive–If you want business don’t just pick up the phone, make a surprise visit and bring a little small token to show your appreciation for them taking time out to sit with you for a few minutes.

4.)SELL YOURSELF – This is very important. People need to know who you are, what you do, and how you benefit THEM. I tell customers something like this…”I am the EXPERT in helping my customers save money, I have helped customers save over 500,000 dollars and I want to help YOU. Always try to position yourself as an “expert” at what you do.

5.)GO ABOVE AND BEYOND EVERYONE ELSE- This one is simple…Don’t do just the bare minimal to get the job done, do more, and I promise you, you will get noticed and you will have people ready to push you to the next level.

These 5 simple keys are simple yet very effective! Let’s be smart, efficient, and professional and get the job done so we can make some money!  If you have any questions please leave a comment.

See You at the Top,

Crysta Tyus

Subliminal Messages In Lyrics

Music is very powerful, in its message and the way it makes you feel and think. Before today I would admit that I love music, but if you don’t have a strong filter to your mind, some music will have a negative influence on your subconscious/conscious mind and the way you feel. A term called “Backmasking” or “Backward Masking” has been a controversial issue since The Beatles in the 1960s.  It has been proven that when playing some of the beatles music backwards it told of satanic messages.  There were church groups protesting against artists being able to backmask in his/her music. In most instances some messages weren’t intentional, it was how the words were formed, but many of the messages that were heard that were unintentional were still satanic in nature, which leaves me to believe is music Good or Evil? Though scientist say that backmasking has no effect on your subconscious which is the part of your brain that could influence your behavior or way of thought unknowingly, many people in the 1970′s believed otherwise. One family even sued a popular rock group for being responsible for backmasked messages heard by their two teens that committed suicide after listening to the song, and though the courts threw out the case, there are still many believers today about subliminal messages in music.(wiki) Take my next discovered points as evidence:

1) When an artist is recording a song, take into account his/her own emotions and spirits. You’ve heard Eminem spit some of the most moving and sick lyrics, and I’ve always believed that energy transfers through ever medium, rather radio, music, or television there is a possibility that we can become manipulated and not know it by the things we choose to watch or hear.

2.) It is known that some music is being “backmashed”. This is a strategic and manipulative way to hide a hidden message in a song that cannot be deciphered when played forward.  However when played backwards, the message is clearly there of what the “person” wants you to know. This is not something that is new, it has been going on for over 30 years now.

3) Subliminal messages has also been found in many advertisements, movies especially children’s movies, and most notoriously commercials. Many artists also backmashed for comical purposes, censoring, uncensoring, artistic value (playing instrumentals backwards, for a new sound) or to try to sell more units.

Please leave a Comment and let me know your thoughts!

Here are a few songs by artists you may know and the messages in their music when played backwards (courtesy of wikipedia):

Ash

“Evil Eye” (album)

“She’s giving me the evil eye, suck Satan’s cock.”[1]

Said at the beginning of the song. Lead singer Tim Wheeler remarked that “Yeah, we did hide a secret message in ‘Evil Eye’, but it’s not that bad…”[2]

D12-

My Band” (album)

“Buy this album now. When it gets to the end.”[26

Eminem-

"Stimulate" (album)

"I'm not here to save you / I'm only here for the ride / So let me entertain you / And everything will be fine."[40]

At the end of the track.

Tech N9ne-

“Absolute Power” (album)

“I’ve traveled many roads and seen many things in search of fortune and fame. All my dreams died no matter how hard I tried so nothing but unhappiness remains. So now I sit with this pen in my hand, itching to produce and perform. Waiting to rule with absolute power. I love these calm little moments before the storm.”

This message appears at the beginning of the track.[39]

Jay Z-

“Lucifer” (album)

“Six, six, six, murder murder Jesus”

Jay-Z commented “Naw not me, that’s retarded.”

Tupac Shakur-

“This Life I Lead” (album)

“Yes I’m alive, and me missing you”

The line was, originally,: “When you see me nigga, holla my set.”[91]

Memoirs of a Rookie (2006)

The very moment you laid there, kissing so passionately, that feeling snuck up on you and your heart literally felt overwhelmed.  It felt like an overpowering surge of emotions that electrified its way through out your whole body.  “Why am I feeling like this?” your mind ponders over and over.  That shit hurts when you love a brotha’ who don’t love you back, that shit hurts when you crave a brotha’ who craves someone else.  That shit hurts when all you think about is him even when you are out trying to enjoy someone else’s company.  So you keep telling yourself to stop playing the fool.  To stop investing time and energy into this guy, who in the long run will break your heart? So after trying to switch the game around you give up.  You come to a conclusion that this is not a battle fit for you.  You come to the ultimate finale of just going back to how your worlds use to be before the both of you met. You lay with him this night of humid rain.  In the mist of his mood, inhaling every smell and trying to savior each and every moment…his heart beat….the steadiness of his breath. God, how you crave this mans touch. How this never-ending triangle of passion, desire, and love can have your mind state altered.

He tells you that his side effect is a 99.9 percent of heartbreak and that makes you cringe inside, thinking of the heartbreak that you have already experienced.  After many months of that you are in a relationship.  You tell him this fabricated story to escape away with your dignity from the torment of your first heartbreak.  You do what you have to do to end this heartache.  You kind of hint that you guys may have to become just friends.  He takes it as you imagined he would and you lay, taking in the incense of his flesh….kissing his lips.  You love him, yet you haven’t had the courage to tell this brotha’ the deep desire you hold for him.  You let him slip away.  He walks out.  He’s stunned at the fact you’re in a relationship. Stunned at the fact period, he tries to absorb what you have just told him the whole drive home. He drives listening to his r&b and reflecting on his feelings for you, reflecting on his feelings for his ex-girlfriend and he ponders. He jams on the Southfield all the way to 96, and comes to a decision.

I lay already knowing the fate of our relationships demise. I lay trying to picture my life going back to how it was before I met him…before I fell in love. Before lust dripped from my lips, and sex was my iris.  “Damn”! You think about it a little longer.  You come to the point where you are not leaving this battlefield without letting this man know.  Without professing your gander to the mountain tops.  Days pass by and you let him know that you love him. Weeks pass by and you still see him.  Congress is shared once, shared twice into the nights of your original sin.  He lets you know that he loves you to.  You know deep in your heart that it’s not the same way he loves her.  You know it’s not the same strength of love that he holds for her. So you cringe and try to laugh off his half ass attempt to keep you near.  You try to laugh off the nickel ass way he says “real talk” after he confesses his love for you.  You wager with yourself to give up your sanity or go emotionally crazy. You win, and you come to the decision to really quit this time.  Go cold turkey without any type of morphine to numb the pain.  You decide that this is the best method, for your mental and emotional state is at stake. No more texts, no more phone calls, no more.  These are the events that lead up to this very moment. These are the demise of a rookie.

Memoirs of A Heart Break Part 1-(11/2007)

I was so young and inexperienced when I wrote this note…this was written almost five years ago, I was a little girl about to have a little girl. Enjoy…

Stop Crying. Stop thinking about all the good that he did and all of the fun that you guys had together.  Don’t think about the way he makes love to you or the way your stomach tightens every time he walks through the door.  I was good enough to meet his family and friends, I was good enough to see him everyday, I was good enough to produce his offspring. But I still received the short end of the stick.  He had me…all of me.  He had the girlfriend without the commitment.  Why don’t you want to commit?  Why don’t you want to make this official?  I asked those questions and he tells me he’s not ready.  He’s not ready to be with me.  Constantly knocking dudes down from left to right, me,  still end up losing.  Shorty is not the baddest chick, but a lot of muth&$%%% be on me, sweating me to give them play.  So why am I stuck on stupid trying to be with someone who is just using me for convenience.  You think i’m going to continue investing my time and energy into this brotha’ when I’m not going to reap whatever seeds  I sow?  I’m going to motivate this brotha’ set him up something lovely and have some random chick come up and swoop him?  Nah, it don’t work like that.  I’m done.  I’m cool on his ass.  I’ve been going through the ringer with this brotha for far too long and he’s still not over his ex-girlfriend.  I’m your rebound chick and the only thing I get out the deal is a child coming into this world in a one parent home because this boy who bustin’ in me isn’t “ready” to be in a relationship.  I say f$%^ you.  I say f@#$ everything you told me.  I say f@$#% all the bull…that shit was a bunch of malarkey. F#$%^ You!

So now I’m sitting here the aftermath of a year of being with a guy who don’t want to commit and I come out with nothing to show for it.  Besides some mad knowledge on what not to do next time.  I didn’t come out the situation with anything remarkable.  The only difference is the next dude is going to have it much harder and I will show no mercy for weakness, or indecisiveness.  So…stop crying. Stop thinking about all of the good that he did and all of the fun that you guys had together. You’ll eventually get over it.

 

Taking a Stand

In knowing a certain proposition one has the proclivity to succumb to its rewarding nature.  It is infamously noted that “succumb to one temptation, it will be harder to refuse the next.”  In holding this propaganda as truth I ask the ancient old question…”Why do we constantly play the fool? And of course when I say “fool” I mean staying in a job or career that doesn’t satisfy you, staying in a relationship that’s bad for you, day after day enduring the same ridicule from whomever. These are the things that hold our true abilities back.  We must learn to make due and to stand up for life.  Because the truth of the matter is that one of these days you to as well as I will be laying up in a coffin motionless, still, and lifeless as our loved ones mourn over our sudden demise.  I know that this may sound rather blunt and or cruel but this is reality. You just have to have faith that there is life after death, that there is a place better than earth.  I know in my heart and I cling on to this, other wise I will go insane by just the thought.  I am here to convey this message of importance: Have faith in God. I know everyone says it everyone thinks they believe it, but you have to walk with God during this lifetime in order to walk with him after this life.  This body that I am in sitting writing this to you is just temporary.  If I am blessed maybe I’ll get another 60+ years to dwell in it, but my spirit and soul will dwell forever with God if I stand now and try to get the message across of love and prosperity.  Live righteous, and we shall be reunited at the end. I know that we are human; therefore we will make mistakes and sin in our life, that’s why Jesus died for our sins so that we may repent and be cleaned again.  No matte what sin you may commit or thought in your head you can ask for forgiveness.  I once read in the bible if you have love for the world then you don’t have love for God because God is not of the world, which consists of lust, lies, killing, and unjustness.  I want to be right with God.  I want all of my family to be reunited again in the Kingdom of Heaven.  I want to live…